You’ve got to figure that, two years on, poor old Steve Allcock, who was sacked by a Lancashire Bus company for playing his PSP while driving the bus, has been punished enough. But you’d be wrong.
Problem is, we badly wanted an excuse to revisit a post that first appeared in March 2006 over at PALGN. Blame it on our love of Lego, and puerile toilet humour if you must, but we like to think of this post as a public service. In order to prevent any further embarrassment to Steve and anyone else out there who’s a little confused about what society expects of them, we’d like to remind you of scenarios and environments were you should avoid playing the PSP or your handheld of choice.
You might think of it as reheated left-overs, environmentally correct recycling, or a slow news day. Here in the TIG lab, We call it Classic Incomplete Gamer.
Plain dumb play of the week goes to bus driver Steve Allcock, who was sacked by Blackburn Transport, a Lancashire Bus company after being reported by passengers, for playing Grand Theft Auto Liberty City Stories while driving the bus.
Now it could have been worse. If you’re going to throw away your job, by playing a videogame, you should at least make sure it’s a game with a bit of street cred. This story has been reported far and wide, so if poor Steve can take anything positive from this embarrassing incident, then I guess he can consider himself lucky that he didn’t get sprung playing something completely lame, like World Series of Poker.
His eyes were on the road…just not the same road the bus happened to be on.
We just hope Steve’s learnt a lesson here. Firstly, Stevo, you were playing with the volume cranked up. Didn’t you think the passengers might have noticed the screaming and the gunfire? Had you actually been driving a bus through the mean streets of Los Angeles or New York, you may have gotten away with it, but the good folks of Blackburn were always going to notice the sounds of wanton gun battles and the squeals of high speed car chases.
Secondly, there was a closed circuit television camera recording your every move. Why did you think there was a camera there? Recording a bloopers tape for the Blackburn Transport Christmas Party perhaps? Now Steve, we know the game’s addictive. I played it, I loved it, hell, I’m still playing it. But there’s a sleep button, an off button and a save function. Hello.
Or was it just not hard enough for you? You were breezing through the missions and you needed to up the ante a little. Stevo, you could have just dimmed the screen a little, or chosen crappier getaway vehicles. Endangering the lives of your bus passengers was possibly a little…what’s the word…IRRESPONSIBLE! Of course, it may just be that you really wanted to get fired. Perhaps you’d tried all the usual things. Coming to work naked on ‘Casual Friday’, usually does the trick, but perhaps you needed something absolutely guaranteed to get you sacked.
In Steve’s defence, there were no specific signs in the bus about not playing the PSP while driving. Sure, there are signs saying ‘no smoking’ and ‘no eating and drinking’, but nothing about portable gaming. And from memory the PSP manual doesn’t specifically mention anything about the dangers of playing while driving public buses either, so perhaps Steve has grounds for appeal.
As way of a public service, and in order to prevent any further embarrassment to Steve and anyone else out there who’s a little confused about what society expects of them, I’ve drawn up a quick list of scenarios and environments were you should avoid playing the PSP or your handheld of choice.
- The toilet: Just because you can take it everywhere doesn’t mean you should. In case you were under any illusions, the ‘P’ in PSP stands for Play! The toilet’s a no-go area. There’s the obvious health issue and the accidental ‘drop it in the loo’ problem too. And if the lure of portable gaming on the bog is just too strong, just make sure you don’t tell anyone about it. Disclaimer. Note the En-suite Exclusion – if you’re playing in the en-suite, or your toilet is in the bathroom, then the lines are a little blurred. ‘Look, it’s a toilet. No look, it’s a bathroom.’ Put the handheld on the edge of the vanity and watch a movie and it’s probably ok.
No….it’s not a sterile environment!
- Intimate relations: You might like to think you have all the moves, hell you may be quite the Casanova, but if you really want to impress I’m going to advise that the PSP remains in sleep mode until the end of ‘proceedings’. Nowadays, a quick game of Lumines may well be the politically correct, modern day equivalent of the post-coital cigarette. General rule of thumb; the PSP should be the last thing you turn on.
Nothing to see here…she’s just tying his shoelaces.
- At a nightclub: You may think you look hip and cool and incredibly smooth playing Sudoku while trying to pick up, casting furtive glances at the gorgeous brunette at the bar, while you tackle the Japanese brain puzzler, but truth is you just look like a complete prat. Don’t try hiding it in your pocket either, she won’t think you’re pleased to see her, she’ll just think you’re a complete prat with a PSP jammed into their trouser pocket.
- While wearing any form of protective headgear: Natalie Portman wore protective headgear in Garden State, and still managed to look good. Repeat after me: you are not Natalie Portman! If the headgear’s a must then portable gaming’s a bust… I don’t care whether you’re kicking butt in Street Fighter or muscling your way through Madden NFL 06.
Repeat after me…you are not Natalie Portman
- The bank: Sure, waiting in bank queues can be frustrating, but you want to think twice before whipping out your handheld gaming console of choice. Of course it depends what you’re playing. A quiet game of Lemmings might be fine, but obviously anything with gunfire is not a great idea. Games with angry dialogue are ok, as this should go unnoticed amongst your fellow frustrated queuers.
- Anywhere in public: I know, I know. You’ve played your handheld portable gaming device of choice on the bus, the train, in the school grounds and down at the local mall. You also know you felt just a little weird doing it. Come on. Admit it. Truth is, portable gaming in public is a little like picking your nose. Sure it happens, but no one is really all that keen on anyone seeing them do it. Why do you think Nintendo keep making its handhelds smaller and smaller?